on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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