I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
