Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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