I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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