He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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