I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
