she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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