he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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