I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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