Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
