THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
