He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
