Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
