i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
