end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
