Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My feet surprised me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
