I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
