isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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