Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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