True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
be right there i have to get my cape
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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