I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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