My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
