Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
