I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
