I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
