so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What a dumb baby whore.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i out mim tonsoeep
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
