Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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