Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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