She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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