so that wasnt chicken after all
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
