flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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