i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
