The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
