You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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