I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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