The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it was like eating out sand paper
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
