New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
