trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
