Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
