is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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