I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
