nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
