i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
