and she was petting her beer can
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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