You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
