I hope my margaritas pass through security.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
