i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
