no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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