Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
