@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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