One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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