oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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