I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
